I wrote this for an english class assignment. I don't usually write too much poetry, so I'd appreciate any advice you have to give
Tall, they stand in rows-
Erect like soldiers in pressed
White Uniforms, peeling from wear-
Who guard the soil from slipping
The Birches stand firm against all.
Then the Machines come for them
Soldiers falling one by one-
‘Till there is nothing left
But the soil that will soon
Wash away- The battle ends
Everyone loses
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Canary word: Present
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I'm not a fan of the whole structure here, why not put it all together instead of leaving a line open? Did you want to make your poem look "bigger" perhaps?
But okay, next thing capitalization every other line starts with a capital letter, okay since you've used the "leave-a-line-open" structure it might indeed look akward by using the proper capitalization-method. As I said before, put it together.
As for the topic itself, yet again I see you could've usen so much variety into bringing this forward, the way you've done it is basically pretty much familiar to us. But hey we must start somewhere and you're new to poetry so I'd recommend you to expand you're view and check around the forums if you wish to succeed in writing poetry
Cheerios, Chandni
Nice. I agree with piepiemann that the last line is really abrupt, and with fireweed that the message should be subtler. Also the second two lines, about the uniform, I thought the description was something of an oxymoron. to me, a pressed uniform means something new, bright, straight from the factory or whatever, and then you said they were peeling from wear. Both descriptions would be great on their own, but they seem strange together, at least to me.
But from what I've seen here, you should definitely write more poetry.
Wow, I really like this. I love the image and the comparison of the birch trees to soldiers. That simile works really well, I think; I love the idea that the trees are like soldiers trying to protect the earth, but their efforts are futile and they are thoughtlessly plowed down by humans.( At least, that's how I interpreted it...) The last lines, "The battle ends/everyone loses" also suggest that this poem has an enviromental message. I like that the message is subtle and not in-your-face like in so many political poems.
Simple, yet very meaningful. Nice work.
I like it. It has a nice flow to it. teh last line seemed to make it fall apart. It works, but it could be better. Wow, I wish I'ld give myself that edvice on my poetry. hahaha.